“heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.”

[starshine, you are so starbright. remember that.]

this weekend was a reminder that sometimes you need to stand and face the music.
it will make you cry until you can’t breathe, and make your head spin so fast you’ll think you’re high; you’ll think your crazy, but that’s sometimes what you need. Jimi Hendrix said it best, “craziness is like heaven”. and as H.D. Thoreau said, “heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads.”
in lieu of thanksgiving, i am thankful for friends who will hold your head up when you’re to weak to hold it up on your own.

{i’m sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here… you won’t be coming back and i didn’t get to say goodbye – i really wish i got to say goodbye…}

fully equipped

I’m sending you
telepathic, repetitious, subtle subliminal messages.
Is it working?
Have I quietly made you believe
I am everything that you need, indeed.
I mean what’s not to love about me?
My insecurity, my arrogance, my dramatics.
Wait, rewind that’s not what I meant.
I mean what’s not to love about me?
My confidence, my intellect,
my soft juicy voluptuous lips,
I know you’ll go crazy when I kiss your hips,
the way I use my tongue ring
to do those little tricks,
I won’t get to specific,
because I already know
deep, deep, deep, inside of me,
I am indeed everything that you need.
And should you come to any other conclusion,
it’s definitely due to your own confusion
because when I send you these
telepathic, repetitious,subtle, subliminal, messages
it’s for your own good.
Because for a limited time only
I am offering you the amazing offer of
happiness with me.
Fully equipped with love and dedication,
Intellectual conversation,
and physical stimulation.
(Sorry cooking and cleaning is not included)
Offer is for a limited time so act NOW! NOW!
Now hear this my precious
I’m sending you
telepathic, repetitious, subtle, subliminal messages.
Can you hear me?
Do you fear me?
I can’t seem to captivate you for long,
a moment or two
and I think I’ve left an impression on you
Tell me what do I have to do
to leave a permanent imprint upon your soul?
Is this real?
The way that I feel,
or have I created my own private fairy tale
where you are my king.
I desire inspiration
yet, I can never seem to find a destination
and I am exhausted from continually repressing
Myself.
If I sit really pretty with out a sound
and raise my hand,
would you pick me?
I desperately want to stand out front
but I sit quietly,
with my arms at my side
and I let my opportunities pass me by.
Do I fear you?
Is that the real truth?
Have I been sabotaging my own bliss?
because these days
it seems like it’s hit or miss.
And, I know how to pull you in,
and I know how to push you out,
pull you in,
push you out,
pull you in,
and push you out…
of my heart.
But for the record,
every time we part
I’m always thinking about you.
So if I say I’m a believer in destiny,
than I have to believe
if we are meant to be,
it will be.
But in the mean time
I’m going to continue sending you,
telepathic, repetitious, subtle, subliminal messages.
Hope you call on your higher consciousness,
that receives E.S.P
and helps you start to believe
that you love me,
love me,
love me,
do you? do you?
do you?
do
you
do,
you do!
You do…love me.

-Bridget Gray

<3.

“i can’t understand you.”

as i was riding the bus home from work late this afternoon, i noticed that a man and a woman, both without the ability to hear or speak entered the bus. the woman sat across from me and signed “hello” to me. i signed “hello” back. she clapped her hands excitedly and signed “you sign?” and i signed back “a little”. with that, we continued on our way.

a few stops later, and after consulting her route map, she tried to ask the bus driver a question. she couldn’t use her voice, but tried to, at a desperate attempt to have the bus driver understand her. she motioned towards the sidewalk, then to herself, then held out her hand asking the driver to stop. it was clear, to me, at least, that she wanted to get off the bus right away because she had missed her stop. the busdriver stared at her, not knowing what to do, and said “i’m sorry, i can’t understand you.”

i told the bus driver what i believed she was trying to say, and he pulled over at the next stop and let her and the man accompanying her off. i sat back down and had to will every nerve in my body to remain composed because at that moment there was nothing i wanted to do more than cry. it broke my heart that she wasn’t being understood. and i know it’s not the driver’s fault, but it broke my heart a little more that there was no means for her to communicate what she wanted to anyone or anything on that bus, and i can’t help but think how she and so many other people with disabilities are constantly one down in the game of life.

it seems that a lack of understanding controls our society, in some sort of grotesque way.

<3.

i’ve had too much time to think lately. (“the pros and cons of breathing.”)

Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move, I’m sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block…
They were gone by the time we {talked}…

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don’t want to know a thing

I hate the way you say my name like it’s something secret
My pen is the barrel of the gun.
Remind me which side you should be on

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don’t want to know a thing

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel
I wish that i was as invisible as you make me feel…

(Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate my)
(Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate my)
(1..2..3..4..)

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

<3.