i’ve had too much time to think lately. (“the pros and cons of breathing.”)

Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move, I’m sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block…
They were gone by the time we {talked}…

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don’t want to know a thing

I hate the way you say my name like it’s something secret
My pen is the barrel of the gun.
Remind me which side you should be on

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don’t want to know a thing

I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel
I wish that i was as invisible as you make me feel…

(Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate my)
(Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate my)
(1..2..3..4..)

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

Whoa, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
You know that I could crush you with my voice

<3.

skin. identity. ink.

so i’ve finally decided on two tattoos that i will (hopefully) be getting this summer.

after some deliberation, i’ve decided firstly, Walt Whitman is staying.

I will be getting the words “and your very flesh will be a great poem” in wrap around text on my right ring finger. i chose the right hand, simply because i am right handed. i chose the ring finger because i feel that represents the commitment i have to both these words, and the words i write.

the second tattoo will be the law of identity. as we learned it, in it’s symbolic form in TOK: A ≡ A. with a twist. god bless IB. this is the one thing i can walk away with that has meant something. and they didn’t even come up with it. i’ve been playing with this idea for quite sometime, and initially, decided to just do the symbol for ‘is’, which coincidentally is the symbol for the band, WTL. then i decided that was too obscure. and around 5:00 this morning, when i should have been sleeping, or at least studying for my urban studies final, i came up with this:

so it would actually say “a is a” and i love that. as far as where i’m going to put it, i am thinking over my heart, as cliche as that sounds. although i am a student of philosophy, and the mind is a jewel, i’ve lately been greatly influenced by something Toussaint Morrison said in his show, “nonetheless”. the quote is “if this [the heart] is unsettled, than this [the mind] cannot rest.” and i do, very much believe that even though we make decesions with our minds, we think with our hearts. the other place i am thinking of putting it, is inside my left wrist, like the original idea with the symbol for ‘is’/WTL. that would be a lot less awkward to show, considering that half of my right breast wouldn’t have to be revealed. but only time will tell.

but yes. so it is written, so it shall be done.

<3.

“see you later, see you soon”: the beginning of the end.

Kerstin, Claire, Cassi, Molly, Katie and Johanna; aka my Lovelies;

this past 9 months has gone by amazingly fast. they’ve been filled with numerous quoteable times most on the 12th floor, a few at UDS and many others in random places.

and i’m so glad to have met every single one of you. and it absolutely breaks my heart that after forging this bond, and being there for one another in the best of our times and the worst of our times these past two semesters.

Cassi, I’m sorry I missed your departure. I miss you like it’s my job. and i love you. and i’m gonna be going crazy without you next semester. i hope you have a buttload of fun next semester in Australia. i expect pictures, missy!!

now for the real purpose of this note:

first farewells are always tough. especially considering that i’ve spent practically every waking moment not in class or rehearsal with Kerstin, Claire, Cassi and Molly. so today, at a little after 7 when Kerstin texted me with an “i’m leaving” i prepared myself for the worst. i already knew i was going to cry, and sure enough, i started tearing up right as we got to the front desk for Kerstin to turn in her key. we all walked her out the the parking lot, where promptly, the tears began to flow freely. this was possibly the best and worst goodbye ever.even though we were all ready to close the year and head home, we weren’t necessarily prepared to leave everyone behind. especially in this case, since this is a more permanent goodbye. Kerstin’s off to ‘Kato! but she’s promised us a bunch of visits, and i’m holding her to that. when we got to her car in the ramp, we all stood there for what seemed like precious hours packed into minutes. we didn’t have enough time to say goodbye, and we knew that time wouldn’t wait for us. but we made the most of that brief time, and i can say, for myself at least, that i relived every second of the past 9 months with you guys in that swift seven minutes. as Claire said, using Kerstin’s infamous words “you’ll always be right shnrrr.”(i hope i spelled that right)
after our third chorus of goodbyes, we watched Kerstin pull away, her tail lights flickering at us as she followed the arrow pointing left, conveniently marked “exit”.
what i really want to say is i’m grateful to know that i’ve met the people who will probably be my best friends for the rest of my life here, this year. i know this isn’t goodbye, so i won’t say that. rather, i leave you all with a see you later, see you soon.

lots of love, hugs and cosmos,
<3. Addy
(PS – I’m still crying.)

my fingers speak faster than my mouth

so i decided that i need a blog. hopefully this will be… successful?

hi.

i’m a human being with words to write. i hear that you read here. perhaps this will be more successful than imagined. time will tell.

<3.